Specialist service
Couples and Relationship Therapy
Relationships can be a source of enormous comfort, connection and belonging. They can also become the place where we feel most hurt, frustrated, lonely or misunderstood. Relationship therapy offers a space to slow things down and look at what is happening between you — not simply at the latest argument, but at the patterns underneath it.
Overview
A space for the relationship
In individual therapy, the focus is primarily on one person’s inner world. In couples therapy, the relationship itself becomes the focus of the work. It offers a space to understand what is happening between you — particularly the patterns you may find yourselves repeating when communication, trust or connection become difficult.
Couples therapy is not about deciding who is the “good” partner and who is the “bad” one, and I am not there to act as a judge or referee. Instead, we look at how each of you contributes to the relationship dynamic, what may lie underneath recurring conflict or disconnection, and what might need to change. Communication is part of this, but the work often goes deeper, exploring attachment, trust, vulnerability, resentment, power, intimacy, family history and the ways we have learnt to protect ourselves in relationships.
Sometimes therapy helps couples repair their relationship and become much closer. Sometimes it helps them recognise changes that need to be made. And occasionally, it helps two people understand that their relationship may need to end. The aim is not to prescribe a particular outcome, but to help you understand your relationship more clearly and make more conscious choices about it.
Who this can help
Relationship therapy may help with:
- Communication that quickly turns into conflict, criticism, blame or withdrawal
- Feeling distant, lonely, disconnected or taken for granted in a relationship
- Recurring patterns that you recognise but struggle to change together
- Loss of trust following betrayal, secrecy, infidelity or other significant hurts
- Difficulties around intimacy, sex, affection or differing needs for closeness
- Differences around parenting, money, family, values or future plans
- Navigating major life changes such as becoming parents, blended families, illness or loss
- Feeling unsure whether to stay in a relationship, separate, or try to repair what has been damaged
- Managing separation or changing the relationship with greater care, particularly where children are involved
- Wanting to understand each other more deeply and build a healthier, more connected relationship
Approach
How I work
My approach to couples therapy is relational, attachment-informed and psychodynamic, and builds on my wider experience working with trauma and relationship difficulties.
I have completed specialist training in couples therapy and draw on a number of established approaches to relationship work.
I have a particular interest in Relational Life Therapy (RLT), developed by Terry Real. One of the things I value about this approach is its emphasis on both compassion and accountability.
Understanding why we behave as we do is important. But understanding alone does not always change a relationship.
At times I may therefore be quite active in helping you recognise behaviours that are damaging the relationship and encouraging each partner to take responsibility for their own part in the dynamic.
At the same time, I am interested in what lies underneath those behaviours — the fears, vulnerabilities, attachment experiences and earlier relationships that may have shaped the way you respond to closeness, conflict or rejection.
I also draw on ideas and techniques from Imago Relationship Therapy, including structured dialogue designed to help partners move away from reacting and towards genuinely listening to and understanding one another.
Different couples need different things. Sometimes our work will involve understanding a recurring pattern. Sometimes we may slow down one particular conversation. Sometimes we will explore the family experiences each of you brings into the relationship. At other times the work may focus on trust, intimacy, sex, boundaries, resentment or repairing after hurt.
I do not expect couples to communicate perfectly. The aim is something more realistic: to become increasingly able to recognise what is happening, regulate yourselves, speak more honestly, listen with greater curiosity and repair the relationship when things go wrong.
Common questions
Questions about couples and relationship therapy
Do we need to be in crisis to come to couples therapy?+
No. Some couples come during a crisis, while others want to address a recurring difficulty or strengthen their relationship before problems become more entrenched.
Do you only work with couples?+
No. I think about this work more broadly as relationship therapy, rather than therapy only for couples. I work with adults in a range of relationship configurations, and there may sometimes be more than two people in the room. This might include intimate partners, adult family members such as parents and adult children or siblings, or colleagues who want help with an important working relationship. What matters is not the particular structure of the relationship, but that there is a relationship between you that you would like to understand or change. My focus is on the dynamic between you — the patterns you have developed together, where you become stuck, and whether it is possible to find a healthier and more constructive way of relating. I currently work with adults only.
Will you take sides?+
I am not there to decide who is right and who is wrong, or to take one person’s side against the other. My focus is on the relationship and the dynamic between you — how each of you responds, what happens between you when things become difficult, and what keeps particular patterns going. At the same time, being neutral does not mean treating every behaviour as equally helpful or equally harmful. Sometimes one person’s behaviour may be having a greater impact on the relationship, and I believe it is important to name this clearly and compassionately rather than overlook it in the interests of appearing impartial. This is influenced by Relational Life Therapy and Terry Real’s emphasis on combining empathy with accountability: understanding where our behaviour comes from, while also taking responsibility for the effect it has on the person we love and on the relationship itself.
Do you work online or in person?+
I currently offer relationship therapy online only.
How long are sessions and what is your rate?+
Sessions: 75 minutes Fee: £150 per session The longer session gives us enough time to work with all parties and with the relationship between you, without having to stop just as an important conversation begins to emerge.
What if one of us is unsure about staying together?+
You do not need to arrive with the same level of certainty. Therapy can provide a careful space to understand what each of you wants and make a more thoughtful decision about the future.
Get in touch
If this feels relevant, you are welcome to get in touch.
You can ask a question, arrange an initial call, or book a first online session.